the first one

The start is always the start. We are at the point where the nitty gritty is becoming a factor. The basic differences of opinion on the state of our relationship between Bela and I are obscured by the superfluous details of the failing of our marriage. She tells me the reason why we only had sex 4 times in 365 days is because I wasn´t kind to her. Now I think that if I was only kind to her 4 times in the past year... why the fuck does she even want to be with me???!!! The fact is this- we only had intimate relations 4 times in the last year. How many times did I say "no" to physical intimacy to her during the last year? The answer is None. How many times did she avoid, make excuses, or avoid instances of physical intimacy with me (during the last year)... well, I´m not the kind of person that keeps track of such a thing but I can honestly say that it was WAY FUCKING MORE than 4 times. 

She says that she doesn´t want to have sex in the morning because she is too tired. Ok. Bela gets out of bed at 9:35 to rush the 2 older kids to get ready for school. She doesn´t make them breakfast- she only sets cereal bars out on the kitchen counter. On the weekends she will only get out of bed before noon only if she hears the youngest daughter screaming in pain (which has rarely happened).  The usual routine is that she only gets out of bed before 10am on the days we have to be at the airport, or pick up somebody from the airport. She would stay in bed until noon every day of the week if she could. Most days she can... She doesn´t want to "do it" in the afternoon"- I don´t know exactly why- but it might have something to do with the fact that her parents are always home during the day and she would be ashamed for them to hear us "doing it".  At night she just wants to watch CSI and eat junk food. She will stay up until 2:30am to watch TV, but she is too tired to have sex. These are facts. 

When we first met we were at a local bar. She was wearing a jeans and a tight short top showing her flat stomach. She was never supermodel material, but she was very sexy to me. It was a "love at first sight" for me. The first time we met was after work on a Friday, I had smoked a little weed beforehand and had a couple of beers. She was with 2 friends.